Now and at the Hour of Our Death

If you're reading this on my blog, it's too late. Stop now, and run for your life! I just intercepted the following message on my internet radio:

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a grave announcement to make.

Incredible as it may seem, both the observations of science and the evidence of our eyes lead to the inescapable assumption that those strange beings who landed in the Jersey farmlands tonight are the vanguard of an invading army from the planet Mars.*

Wait, someone else has already pulled this prank. Okay, so he isn't really a Martian or even a Storm Trooper - it's James. April Fools!

Today's not April 1st? Damn, I ruined the surprise.

*"The War of the Worlds" by H.G. Wells and modified by Orson Welles on Oct 30, 1938.

It's a Piece of Cake So Far!

"Sometimes I hear Papa Moon talkin' at the kitchen table about how tough life is. But you know what? It doesn't seem so hard to me. If I could talk, I'd tell him to warm up a bottle of milk and sit in his Daddy's lap. It makes me happy...and sleepy. I haven't seen his dad, but he must be a giant cause look how much bigger my dad is than me. Oh well, I'll tell Papa Moon my secrets when I learn to talk. Hope I don't forget them between now and then!"

Another Moon Mullen?

I already call him Natie Joe and Jakers, but this picture screams, "Moon Mullen"!

I'm Yearning for Montana

With the first day of Spring behind us and the days about to get stretched out, I'm longing for a wildlife retreat. Lamar Valley in Yellowstone calls. Through the month of May the elk, grizzly, bison, wolf, coyote, deer and pronghorn all migrate to the valley to feed on the first roots and each other.

It's the circle of life unfolded before your very eyes. It breathes new life into your tired bones.

The park is relatively quiet compared to the high traffic months of June through August. It's quite easy to find a private retreat within Yellowstone that will fool you into thinking you are alone in America's serengeti.

On a May morning several years back, brother Joe and I got up before the sunrise to drive east through the valley. As dawn peaked over the mountains we were able to see a lone wolf traveling parallel to us along the river bank. Conscious of each other's presence we greeted the morning sun together. Amazing.

Later that same morning we hiked down to the river and dropped below the embankment to bask in the rising sun. No other souls were within eyesight or earshot. The only sounds were that of the rushing water and light wind passing through the long grass. A coyote interrupted our late morning siesta as he made his way along the river bottom. Again, respectful of each other, we exchanged an approving glance and each went on our way.

I need to go back.

A Tradition Worth Keeping

This year marks the 15th consecutive year attending the NCAA Ice Hockey Tournament. In 1992 a friend of mine got two tickets to the Frozen Four from UConn's hockey coach and gave them to me. I took John out of school and the two of us went to Albany to watch Wisconsin, Michigan, Northern Michigan and Michigan State square off.

Every year since I have made my way to Regionals and on two occasions the Frozen Four. I've been witness to some of the greatest games in NCAA history including several of the longest games played. My personal favorite was UVM's 2-1 win over Lake Superior State in the Regional Finals in 1996.

Lots of people have shared the excitement with me, but one guy in particular sets aside the date religiously - Buck. He loves the tournament and at the start of every game the two of us wish for overtime. We don't even care who wins. We just want the games to last all day.

John and James bring the dedication of a 2nd generation to the annual pilgrimage. We already have plans to span 3 generations next year by bringing Nathaniel to the Regionals in Manchester, NH.

I love tradition!

I'm Having an Affair

Don't tell Julie, but I am having an affair. I fell in love with this very leggy chic in Albany. While I know it is wrong, I just can't help myself. It really is odd for me because I've been a breast man my whole life. I don't know what has come over me.

We are trying to be discrete and not bring attention to ourselves. It would ruin so many lives, but the lure of the flesh is so strong.

Forgive me, Father.

How to Babysit an Infant

Step-by-step guide to babysitting an infant, by Nathaniel Mullen.

1. Locate a binky. Clean is preferable, but not necessary. They say you eat a peck of dirt in your lifetime, so starting early won't kill anyone.
2. Plug the binky into the baby's mouth. Be careful not to poke the baby in the eye.
3. The baby will likely try to spit the binky out, so don't let go on the first attempt.
4. Reinsert the binky. Make sure to be very deliberate so the dog sees how to do it.
5. Hand over the babysitting duties to the dog and walk away.

The Rainbow Toccata

If you ever visit St Joseph's Cathedral in Hartford on a Sunday morning you'll likely be treated to organ music extraordinaire. Ezequiel Menendez is a master organist and often rumbles through a toccata at the end of the Mass.

Unlike other churches where you find the faithful sprinting for the doors upon the final amen, many at the Cathedral linger to hear the ghost of Bach reach deep into the soul. If you aren't sure where your soul resides, the brilliance of a toccata will help you find it.

But not everyone can hear the music. One Sunday a woman positioned just to my left stood quietly listening to the cascading sounds reverberate off the massive concrete and steel walls of the Cathedral. Her teenage son sat next to her distracted by the brilliance of not the toccata, but 70 foot stained glass windows instead.

Her boy was stone deaf. He couldn't hear a single note.

The woman was moved to tears. We spoke for a moment and she told me how awestruck she was by the sites and sounds of this Sunday morning. She was overwhelmed by the beauty of the moment.

She was ever thankful that she was able to bring her son to Mass and have him share in the Gospel. Not through the readings, not through the music, but through the sunlit colors and images in the windows.

Ironically, what brought the woman to the Cathedral was a funeral for a friend earlier in the week. Through the death of one, she brought life to another. And so the story goes.

I Gotta Invest More in My 401k

Meet Margaret White, born in Hartford, CT on December 22, 1901. One hundred and four years old!

I had the good fortune of chatting with her on Sunday at St Joseph's Cathedral. She is full of energy and still lives in the home where she grew up as a kid. Margaret still cooks and cleans for herself, but she doesn't drive anymore. If I was a betting man, I'd say she'll be celebrating a birthday in 2006 although it would take one real sick bastard to make her blow out 105 candles.

We talked a bit about how the world has changed in the last 100 years. She spoke for a moment about the depression; it left an indelible impression on all who lived through it. She also spoke of her parents. Can you imagine that? 104 years old and she still yearned for her Mom and Dad - how beautiful.

She told me she feared for the youth and the enormous debt they were inheriting. I think she may listen to a tad too many political talk shows, but it was wonderful she was concerned. I know people half her age who don't give the youngest generation a second thought.

Somehow we talked about death. I don't think I asked her if she was ready to die, but I must have looked like I wanted to ask her, so she volunteered an answer. Margaret said, "I am ready to go whenever God calls me. He told me He is working on a penthouse for me, but it wasn't quite finished."

I believe God is building her a mansion. I hope she saves a room for me.

The Magic of Patrick in The City

If you ever want to go to Ireland without having to fly to Shannon, visit New York City on St. Patrick's Day. The place is loaded (no pun intended) with millions of Irish Americans.

Literally, 2,000,000 people line the streets to watch 150,000 marchers make their way up 5th Avenue from St. Patrick's Cathedral to 86th Street near Central Park. The parade last for more than 6 hours with roughly 4 hours of bagpipers filling the air with Irish anthems. Hours after the parade is over you'll think you are hearing bagpipes.

This year's parade was the 245th consecutive parade. For those without a calculator the first parade was in 1762! Almost 2 and 1/2 centuries later, and New York Irish still speak with a brogue.

SIDEBAR: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bagpiper.

Get into the city early and you can kick off the day with the Celebration of the Eucharist on the Feast of St. Patrick at St. Patrick's Cathedral. I went to the pre-parade Mass today with my friends Hillary Clinton, Eliot Spitzer and a few other local socialites. None of them said hello to me, but I forgave them all. The Cathedral was filled to capacity (3,000).

The Mass celebrated by Cardinal Edward Egan was beautiful. Cardinal Egan is a gifted speaker. He gave a powerful homily echoing the words of the prophet Isaiah to challenge us all to awaken and help the less fortunate.

He also paid tribute to the New York Army National Guard's Fighting 49th. The troops were in attendance and had just come back from Iraq. It was amazing to see how many people shook their hand, patted them on the back or just said thank you. During the preparation of the gifts, the names of 19 brethren who died in Iraq were read. You couldn't help but be moved to tears.

I felt blessed to be in the house of God with so many people of good will. Slainte!

You Gotta Serve Somebody

I'm trying to stop focusing on what I want and how I feel. My place on earth is to serve first and to be served last. So, I am giving all I have to John, Jess and James. I'm giving them my thoughts, my heart and best of all...my eggs.

Get 'em while their hot!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

As part of the mobile society I work from my home more days than not. I have a nice little office that I adorn with bears, Irish knick-knacks, Catholic saints and Homer Simpson.

I have a built-in book shelf, computer desk, office desk, printer stand, phone, printer, monitor, 2 laptops and boxes of papers. The papers hold little secrets from meetings long gone by. I'm sure I'll never read them again, but who has the time to throw 'em out?

Well, last week I added a new piece of furniture to my office - a baby crib. Not your typical office piece I know, but it is the most useful. Natie Joe sleeps in my office when he visits meaning the doors close at 8:00 PM and don't open for business again until 8:00 AM the next morning. No late nights or early mornings when Jakers is in town!

Some might think it an odd addition to an office, but I think it fits in perfectly. Let's see, I have grizzly bears, 4 leaf clovers, St John the Baptist, Dancing Homer and now - Natie Joe. I love my office.

It Wasn't Me!

I'm missing some Gummy Bears from my office. I've asked everyone in the household if they ate them, but no one has fessed up.

Nathaniel?

Hoosiers Nutmeg Style

March Madness isn't just about UConn, Duke and UCLA. There are high school tournaments going on in all 50 states and the level of excitement in many a small town gym is off the scales.

Last night I had the good fortune of photographing the CIAC Division I quarterfinal match-up between Xavier HS Falcons (Middletown) and Crosby HS Bulldogs (Waterbury) at the New Haven Athletic Center. The Bulldogs were the defending state champs and heavy favorites coming into the game. Xavier was the 20th seed in Division I based on 6 regular season losses, but had already knocked off a very strong East Hartford team.

Xavier jumped to an early lead against Crosby, but the Bulldog's height advantage steadily eroded the margin. Crosby took a halftime lead and started pulling away in the 4th quarter.

At the 2:45 mark of the final quarter, Crosby was up 10. Xavier, sensing the season was over, turned to a frantic full court press and forced 4 consecutive turnovers to pull within 1 with 12 seconds remaining. Crosby had the ball in the frontcourt coming off a time out and only had to inbound the pass to hold on to the victory.

It didn't happen that way. Xavier picked off the inbound pass and drove the length of the floor for a layup and the win. A 1,000 fans went into a spastic frenzy and a 1,000 fans stood stunned. Final score, Xavier 68 Crosby 67.

It was a great game played with a ton of raw emotion. And while they all look like men, most of the players are still susceptible to the mistakes of a child. Therein is the beauty of the tournament - anything can happen and it does.

P.S. If you go to any games in the next round, leave your guns at home. Last night I had to go through security screening to get into the game. This is serious stuff!

David's March Madness

I think the most intriguing aspect of the annual NCAA basketball tournament is there alway is room for a David amongst the Goliaths. UVM was a shining example of the premise last year when they knocked off perennial powerhouse, Syracuse. It was the greatest moment in Vermont sports history bar none.

This year Vermont was hoping to find its way back to the NCAA tournament by winning the America East Conference Championship. The Cats came into the game v. University at Albany a decided underdog with a record of 13-16, but the very young team had upset the #2 and #3 seeds to reach the finals. A victory would have put UVM in the NCAA's for the 4th consecutive year.

It didn't happen. The Great Danes came out of the gate fast and had Vermont down 8-0 within the first minute and a half. Two 3-point bombs sent the RACC (Albany gym) into a frenzy and it was lights out for UVM. The final score was Albany 80 UVM 67, but there were moments when the lead was as high as 24 points. The game was never in doubt.

Not only did UVM get shelled on the court, we lost the battle of the cheerleaders and dance teams too. Albany's spirit squad was incredibly acrobatic and while we were doing backflips, they were rocketing girls 20 feet into the air.

Our dance team got jeered and then booed. The Great Danes Golden Dance Team blew away the crowd with their enthusiasm and well choreographed moves. The UVM squad always had one girl who was standing when the rest were sitting. The poor kids; I don't think anyone prepped them about the hostility 4,000 Albany students would be packing.

Final score when it was all said and done - University at Albany 3 Vermont 0. I still had a great day and it was fun to be among the UVM faithful on the visitor's turf. Buck came down from Vermont with the tickets.

Kevin Cieplicki and his wife Lil were there to cheer on their son Kyle - one of UVM's young rising stars. It was wonderful to see them again. They are such nice folks. Watching Kyle's on court demeanor you can tell they did a nice job raising him. (Click on the link or title to see a few action shots of Kyle.)

I got a chance to wear my UVM Alumni hat and trade barbs with a few Great Dane fans. There is nothing like a little competition to get the blood roiling again.

As we were walking up the stands to take our seat, one exuberant Albany scholar yelled at me, "UVM SUCKS". I flipped him the bird.

Go, Cats, Go!

Cell Phones Gone Wrong Part II

You're walking through the airport and you hear a "schizzle to the nizzle" ringtone. Without looking back, is the owner of the cellphone:

1. 13 year old white male?
2. Snoop Dogg?
3. Lee Iococca?
4. Japanese tourist?
   

Cell phones are becoming the new trucker's mesh hat. You know the kind of hat I'm talking about - a baseball high hat made of foam and mesh. It usually has some bold statement protected by the 1st Amendment such as Get'r Done, Kiss My Grits, or USA - Love It or Leave It.

The hats are still around if you frequent truck stops, but there is a new trend afoot that shows up everywhere- the personalized ringtone. People are crying out to the world to take notice of who they are through a single ring of the phone. You can't walk around anywhere without hearing theme songs, rock anthems or famous voices chirping everytime a call comes in.

I'd be a little scared to add a ringtone to my own phone. What would I pick?

Danny Boy would be a good one, but I'm only half-Irish. Sweet Heart of Jesus would be nice but you've got that whole church and state thingy to deal with. How about changing my image with American Bad Ass or One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer? Let's Get it On? None of those would work unless I dyed my hair to be something other than reverend grey.

Come to think of it, I don't really want a Moon Mullen ringtone. It is too obnoxious and I wouldn't want people to judge me based on the tonality of my ring. I am much more than just a 1 ring guy.

You're in the airport bathroom (always the airport!) and in the stall next to you a cell phone begins to play the song, "YMCA". Do you:

1. Pass your business card through the crack in the door?
2. Put your arms over your head to form a giant 'Y'?
3. Do the wave (not recommended while sitting on the toilet)?
4. Pull your pants up and leave?
   

And the Oscar Goes To...

How is it I can live in this world and not even know a movie exist until it wins the Oscar? I never even heard of Crash until the day before it was named Picture of the Year. Better late than never. We rented the dvd on Sunday night and played it on the big screen at home.

The power of the movie is in the raw emotion it evokes from the viewer. The acting is phenomenal. There is no main character, but a cast of many who somehow find their lives connected through a series of mishaps. Matt Dillon is fantastic in his role as a hardened L.A. cop, but all of the actors are stellar.

Crash is about discrimination. Cars colliding is a metaphor for the clash of cultures ever present in the American melting pot. The impact of worlds colliding reveals a cruelty and ignorance that is hard to believe when viewed from afar, but Crash won't let you sit in the cheap seats.

You'll note biblical subtleties throughout the movie from miracles of life to the prodigal son to the transformation of the Old Testament "eye for an eye" justice to the New Testament "turn the other cheek" philosophy. You'll be thinking of Crash long after the credits have rolled.

It's definitely a movie worth watching.

Jakers Comes Home to Roost

Nathaniel is here for the weekend. Within five minutes of saying hello, or as he says, "da-la-dee-do-da", I was changing his pants.

Fifteen minutes later I was unlocking the bathroom door with a credit card as he had closed the door and somehow locked it.

Thirty minutes later, I was down for a nap.

Lullaby of London by the Pogues

As I walked down by the riverside
One evening in the spring
Heard a long gone song
From days gone by
Blown in on the great north wind
Though there is no lonesome corncrake's cry
Of sorrow and delight
You can hear the cars
And the shouts from bars
And the laughter and the fights

May the ghosts that howled
Round the house at night
Never keep you from your sleep
May they all sleep tight
Down in hell tonight
Or wherever they may be

As I walked on with a heavy heart
Then a stoned danced on the tide
And the song went on
Though the lights were gone
And the north wind gently sighed
And the evening breeze coming from the east
That kissed the riverside
So I pray now child that you sleep tonight
When you hear this lullaby

May the wind that blows from the haunted graves
Never bring you misery
May the angels bright
Watch you tonight
And keep you while you sleep.

We've Run Out of Good Ideas (PG-13)

I got a promotional email from B&H Photo today featuring the gadget pictured here.

At first I thought, "Wow that is cool!"

Then I started thinking about how to use it. Do I clip my nose hairs first, or download a file to the USB flash drive? Who thinks of this stuff? Does everything have to be linked to technology?

Let's see...how about web-enabling toilet paper (patent pending) so I can read my email while doing my business? Why not put a digital camera beneath the bristles of my toothbrush (patent pending) so I can check for cavities?

Speaking of digital cameras, what is up with combining the phone with a camera? I don't know about the rest of you, but I won't go into a public restroom with any guy talking on a cell phone.

Q: A man in a crowd is snapping pictures with his Nextlel flip phone. Upon seeing him your first thought is of:

1. Ansel Adams?
2. Homer Simpson?
3. A voyeur?

I rest my case!

Cingular is now promoting Pac-Man as a feature on their cell phones. How about that for the advancement of man? In 30 years we've been able to port a munching yellow ball from Atari to the PC to a cell phone. The Iranians are working on nuclear bombs, we're developing Ms Pac-Man.

If you are not into games, all of the phone services now allow you to turn the 1 inch phone display into a portable theater. No sense in looking out at the real world when you can watch the virtual world offered by Mobile Fun. Last month's top downloads included:

1. Michael Jackson's midget lookalike.
2. Fart within the Matrix.
3. Jack Ass Paintball.

(SIDEBAR: I predict in the year 2525, if man is still alive, evolution will be proven to be true. The average person will have bug eyes and elephant ears all as a result of overuse of the cell phone. Elephants, by the way, will have smaller ears because they aren't using cell phones. Apologies to Nostradamus if I stole any of his ideas and mega thanks to Zager & Evans for the ditty.)

Maybe the cell phone is the new Swiss Army Knife. It's a PDA, camera, gameboy, calculator, alarm clock, mp3 player, text messager and.... a phone. In our post 9-11 world (mandatory phrase in any social commentary) you can't carry a pocket knife. You can carry a cell phone, so psychologically we are filling a void.

(SIDEBAR: Do you think the accountants at Victorinox ever thought about listing Arabs as a business risk in their annual 10-k report?)

Still, I don't get the fascination with strolling around in public listening to mp3s on the cell phone or iPod. I love music, but when I am walking around Mother Earth with the balance of humanity my sense of hearing is a wonderment. What disdain some of these people must have for the rest of us to always be plugged-in.

There are a couple of ads playing now that portrays very odd behavior that you too can adopt for only $9.95 a month, air time excluded. Both involve using the phone to play your own soundtrack while walking through life. The Truman Show has stepped off the screen and onto the streets.

One of the ads shows a teen going into a department store dressing room to try on several pair of jeans. While she peers into the narcissistic mirror, the poetic Black Eyed Peas sing in her earpiece:

What you gon' do with all that junk?

All that junk inside that trunk?

I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,

(SIDEBAR: Mr. Hummel, would this be a good example of iambic pentameter?)

Get you love drunk off my hump.

What u gon' do with all that ass?

All that ass inside them jeans?

I'm a make, make, make, make you scream

Make u scream, make you scream.

Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump

My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovelady lady lumps.

Lovely young lady don't you think? As I watched the commerical I was thinking, one of the problems with the demise of the railroads has been the elimination of the wrong side of the tracks!

The other ad is even worse and borders on being sinful if you subscribe to Jimmy Carter's version of adultery. A young pervert is riding on a bus and listening to a "shake your booty" rap while staring at a female ass across the aisle. The premise being if she won't shake it for you, or show it to you, plug-in and turn onto your own fantasy without the owner's permission.

It is so invasive I think we need a law on the books that requires anyone wearing headphones in public to also wear a headband that scrolls the lyrics of the song being played (patent pending). That way when you see the following lyrics you'll know if you should turn around, walk away, or just sit down.

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda

But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda

My anaconda don't want none

Unless you've got buns, hun

You can do side bends or sit-ups,

But please don't lose that butt

Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role

And tell you that the butt ain't gold

So they toss it and leave it

And I pull up quick to retrieve it

So Cosmo says you're fat

Well I ain't down with that!

'Cause your waist is small your curves are kickin'

And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'

To the beanpole dames in magazines:

You ain't it, Miss Thing!

Give me a sista, I can't resist her

Red beans and rice didn't miss her

Some knucklehead tried to dis

'Cause his girls are on my list

He had game but he chose to hit'em

And I pull up quick to get wit'em

So ladies, if the butt is round,

And you want a triple X throw down,

Dial 1-900-MIXALOT

And kick them nasty thoughts

Baby got back!

- Sir Mixalot-

You know, there was a time when we burned the Beatles' records. Do you think Mom and Dad are still afraid of the Fab Four?

Gotta go...my cell phone just rang!

Jakers, Where Are You?

I haven't seen Nathaniel in days. I miss my buddy. I gotta find some time to see him before he fills out the cowboy boots.

We need to dig up Harry Chapin and have him rewrite the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" from the perspective of a Grandpa!