Vodka Saves Lives

Vodka saved our neighbors from certain death this morning, and I am not referring to Stoli. Our neighbor's, the Gagnes, have a black cat named Vodka. At around 6:00 a.m. the cat went into the daughter's bedroom and started crying in an odd yowl. You know, the kind of a sound you hear when two cats square off on a street corner in the middle of the night.

The cries woke Andrea who immediately noticed a smoke filled hallway. She got up to see where the smoke was coming from and the kitchen was aflame. She ran to wake her parents and they all immediately got out of the house.

The fire department arrived on the scene 15 minutes after the 911 call. We only live 3 minutes from the firehouse, but they spent a few minutes looking for Valley Street (there is none) instead of Valleyview Lane.

The fire department brought all the toys including a hook & ladder (it's a 1 story ranch), a pumper, 2nd pumper, emergency vehicle and a couple of police cars. I heard the rumbling of a diesel truck outside my office window at around 6:30 and I was thinking it was an odd hour for the oil company to be making a delivery. I was right.

Andrea, Diana and John all survived. We hugged on the street this morning. There is a mess to clean up and lots of stuff to replace, but thanks to Vodka shopping is on the agenda instead of a funeral.

We love our Vodka!

Best Letters from the Moon 2006

As 2006 comes to a close, I'd like to thank all the loyal readers of Letters from the Moon. So, thank you Joe, Keyla, James, Jan & Allen (count as 1) and Marie. I know the subscription rate is low today, but I can feel my luck changing. If I can improve my writing skills and come up with some interesting topics, 2007 will be a great year. In the meantime, I am contemplating changing the title of my blog to Undelivered Letters from the Moon. Catchy, eh?

Actually, here are the 2006 facts according to Google Analytics - 3,935 visitors came to Letters from the Moon and viewed 9,330 entries (9,331 - one just came in as I was blogging). 79% of the hits came from returning visitors meaning Joe spent a lot of time goofing off at work. 94% of the visitors were from the United States, but something I said appealed to people in 45 other countries including Iran (I don't know what I said, but it was only a joke!). The top keyword search was "moon mullen" or some combination thereof. Gosh, I am becoming world renowned.

The Top 5 Post According to the Readership:

1. Covenant with God - Heather & Steve's wedding.


2. We've Run Out of Good Ideas - cellphone observations.


3. How Precious is Life - all about death.


4. Rite of Passage - on turning 21.


5. Get it While You Can - featuring Natie Joe.

The Whole Family Turns 50!

Bobby G and twins Cathy & Cindy all celebrated their 50th birthday with family and friends on Friday night. If they are the poster children for turning 50 bring it on! They look great. In fact, I think the first time they pull out the AARP card, someones going to ask for an ID.

Happy Birthday...everyone.

Put on Your Thinking Cap

It's that time of year again where you have to come up with your new year resolutions. Setting goals is a good thing...if you keep them.

Last year I vowed to "blow more bubbles". The idea was to stick to simpler thoughts and not get all fired up when things didn't go well. It's hard to tell how successful I was at achieving my goal, but if I gauge it by how often I tossed around the F-Bomb (swear word for those unfamiliar with the vernacular), I probably didn't make any progress.

I should have stuck to something I could measure like loosing weight. Thank God (or Julius Caesar) for all the fresh starts. Bring on 2007.

WebMD has a list of 5 resolutions for men who want to be healthier. The list includes:

1. Get fit (dah!)


2. Watch what you eat (dah! dah!)


3. Quit smoking (hooray - I've already achieved 20% of the goal)


4. Ease stress (back to blowing bubbles)


5. Go to the doctor (read on)

Actually where do you think going to the doctor belongs on the list? Logically I would say it should be at the top of the list. Might as well have Doc lay it on the line early in the year so I can develop a game plan.

"Increase in body fat, cholesterol up, muscle tone down, blood pressure rising, eyesight is failing, hearing loss, hairline receding... should I keep going, or would you like me to stop Mr. Mullen?"

Psychologically it would be better for me if the doctor visit stays on the bottom of the list. This would give me time to get in shape before I went for a physical. I hate the feeling of failing anything. Besides one of the recommendations for a guy my age is a digital rectal exam. I need to get to know my doctor a little better before I sign up for that one.

Unwrapped

We got a new robot for Christmas. She looks just like a human, makes a few sounds and is very efficient when given instructions. We call her Ayva, but she responds to Dingers.

Early Christmas morning we loaded her up with a special juice and turned Dingers free on the pile of Christmas gifts. Her job was to loosen up the wrapping to make it quicker for the rest of the family to open their presents.

In years past it has taken an average of 3 hours and 30 minutes to go through the whole pile. The longest time was set in 1995 (kids were in the peak toy years) at 4 hours and 13 minutes with the shortest duration coming in 1977 (married without children) at 2 hours and 38 minutes. This year we were hoping to bring some efficiencies to the process, minimize the time spent opening gifts and maximize the number of minutes available in the day to enjoy the gifts.

Our target time was 2 hours and 45 minutes, but we didn't make it. We didn't even hit the average. We came close to the record - 4 hours and 5 minutes.

Ayva did her part. She crawled through the pile and tore off bits and pieces of every gift. There were dismembered ribbons and bows everywhere - it was gruesome. But despite the head start many of the groggy recipients could not finish the task of unwrapping their gifts in a timely manner because of the manufacturer's packaging.

Taped up box openings, molded plastic casing, shrink wrapped contents, twisty tie downs...you almost want to give up.

"TRUCK!!! TRUCK!!!"

"Yes, Nathaniel, it's a truck. Come here and Papa will help you get it open."

"OPEN!!"

"Okay, hold on we'll get it open. Let me just use my pocket knife to cut the industrial tape, and now Papa will unfold the cardboard casing, and pull the truck straight...no, something is holding down the wheels...oh, I see, a couple of twisting ties on the axle and viola...hmmn?...it is stuck to the box..."

"OPEN! OPEN! OPEN!"

"Okay, Papa is working on it! I don't want to break it but maybe if I pull real hard...son-of-a-bitch this thing is stubborn. What the hell?"

"PAPA OPEN, SOMA BITS!!!"

"Nathaniel, stop crying and don't swear! Papa will get it open. Honey, can you get me the toolbox? There are 2 sets of screws holding the body to the cardboard. What sadistic Geppetto put this thing together?"

"Papa open?"

"Yes, good boy, Papa did get it open. Here you go, Nathaniel. Now pull back on the remote control and watch the lights go ...the lights don't work!? Holy shit, we forgot the batteries."

A Loving Christmas

Family, food, caroling, gifts, prayer and Mass - a perfect weekend!

Peace on Earth Goodwill to Men

Now there were shepherds in that region living in the fields and keeping the night watch over their flock. The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were struck with great fear.

The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."

And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

When the angels went away from them to heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go, then, to Bethlehem to see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us."

So they went in haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the infant lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known the message that had been told them about this child. All who heard it were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds.

And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as it had been told to them.

Luke 2:4-6

Read the Fine Print

Gosh, I hate to buy anything these days if it isn't on sale; paying retail is a vile act. The stores have conditioned us to shop for the discount by marking up goods beyond the value and then slashing prices to get us to respond...and we do.

I went to the Catholic Bookstore on Friday to pick up some real Christmas gifts and I was very happy to see "10% Off All Christmas Items" hanging on the door. Statue of St. Stephen, the first Christian martyr...good. An Irish Christmas Musical Celebration DVD...good. A miniature manger with the Little Drummer Boy standing guard...very nice. The Theologians Guide to The Gospel of Mark...yes. A St John the Baptist medallion and prayer card...excellent. Virgin Mary night lite with glowing halo...perfect.

"Good selections and the DVD and drummer boy are 10% off."

"Really? I thought everything was on sale, Sister."

"No, just the Christmas items."

"Sister, I'm not trying to be a wise alec, but isn't everything in here a Christmas item? I mean c'mon, it all started with Christmas. No Christmas - no Christ. No Christ - no Catholic Bookstore. Am I right?"

"Very funny, Mr. Mullen. Why don't you report to the Principal's Office and we'll let her take this up with you. Or would you like to sit back down, Mr. Mullen?"

Selling Back Her Books

Congratulations to Amanda for finishing up her degree work at UVM in December. She has bought her last textbook and spiral binder. Now it's on to the great big work world.

She is a beautiful gal and will land on her feet in no time. She and Ian would love to find work in Boston, but early searches are leading to Philly, Dallas and Seattle. Amanda doesn't care where they wind up to start, but she anxious to get started.

Give her a hearty congratulation and wish her well!

Last Minute Details

Sorry, but I can't give much thought to the blog today. Too many "to do's" on the list with little time to spare. Chief among them are the 100 Christmas cards I need to send out. Don't people prefer to get a Christmas card after the 25th? Technically, Christmas doesn't end until the Epiphany so I think I am okay.

I probably shouldn't procrastinate as much as I do. Someday it going to come back to bite me.

I have this vision in my head (odd place) of sitting in my underwear looking out the window at a wildly overgrown lawn. While I am debating whether or not to get dressed and mow the lawn, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse come galloping up the street - oops, too late.

"Hey, Jesus said it's going to come like a thief in the night. It's not even 10 o'clock in the morning! This isn't fair. Say, do I have time for a quick confession?"

No time to waste. I am off to write my cards and then to St Joseph's Cathedral. I've got a cheat card with the Act of Contrition in my back pocket!

Checking it Twice...1 Last Time

Only 3 days left on the Advent calendar. I hope you are ready with your presents bought and wrapped, Christmas cards written and mailed, and the cookies baked.

Today the kids will come home from school filled with excitement knowing Santa is revving up the engines and the moment is almost at hand. Somewhere in the North Pole the famous reindeer are prepping for the big day - last minute oats, grooming the fur, and running through the take-off routine one more time. Go time is 1 day, 19 hours, 52 minutes and 22 seconds away!

"Yo, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen! Everybody quiet down and take a knee," calls out Rudolph. "All together now, Mary, Queen of Victory..."

"PRAY FOR US!"

Once again this year the U.S. government will be tracking Santa's progress around the globe. If you need science to help you believe, go to NORAD's Santa Tracker website on Christmas Eve. They've got him on the radar screen and you can watch him visit children around the world all through the night. They do a fantastic job, although he does fall off the radar screen when flying over the mountains of Afghanistan. Queue it up with the kids. You'll love it!

Santa Babies

Reid is street legal as of today. He is officially 21 years old. 13, 16, 18, 21 - all wonderful milestones in one's life. When Reid asked what the next significant birthday was whispers of 30, 40 and 50 were tossed out.

Alex aptly piped in with a more practical answer, "25 - the cost of renting a car drops in half!" What a creative response. I think I see a future blogger in the family.

Happy birthday to all of our December children - Reid, Patrick and Keyla.

Wish List

Did I mention in an earlier post that I have everything I need and not to get me anything for Christmas? I didn't? Good!

I do have one wish. I'd like a Mullen M-11 V-8 sports car. It's a custom made screamer that strolls down the highway at 180 mph (7th fastest American made car according to a Forbes article).

How cool would it be to drive a car with your name on it? You can do it if you have an extra $70,000 laying around...and if your name is Mullen.

Mullen Listed as Probable

With only 6 days remaining until Christmas, hall of fame crafter Julie Mullen is still on the disabled list. Struck down by a nasty sinus infection and the flu, Mullen has not been able to produce Christmas crafts at her normal all-conference pace.

When asked if she was disappointed with her output so far, Mullen commented, "The season isn't over yet. Let's see what happens in the last 72 hours."

Fans of Mullen were encouraged by today's change in status from "doubtful" to "probable".

The Secret Book of Vinnie

I confess, I haven't started Christmas shopping yet. By procrastinating I really put myself in a bind because I've all but eliminated the option of buying online. Now to guarantee delivery by 12/25 I'm going to have to slug it out at the mall with all the other passive-aggressive type B Christmas shoppers. That's okay, I like being around people...I think.

Anyhow, I figured I'd do a little pre-mall planning and look at the ads for the sales and a few good ideas. Besides the game boxes what else is hot this year?

Let's see, a new computer? Stereo? Ping pong table? Parka? Sweater? Train set? Toy dinosaur? Nope to all of those - we've got them in spades including tyrannosaurus rex. Gosh, nothing new except the Nintendo Wii and they've already had a product recall.

Hey, what's this? A Smith & Wesson Carbon Fiber Barrel 22A. Maybe, but I hate to give such a predictable Christmas gift. I can see Julie picking up the gift wrapped packages on Christmas Eve trying to guess what's in the box.

"Uh, Honey, you probably should try shaking a different box. That one might be loaded."

I'm seeing some things advertised this year that I have missed in the past - like the handgun. I'm trying to figure out how I can tie the purchase of a weapon to the birth of Christ. It's a stretch, but I suppose I could use a little protection just in case a Santa impostor comes sliding down our chimney.

I sure would like to get this gun, but it feels a little odd. I know, I'll do some research on the Gnostic Gospels and see if there is any basis for a handgun in one of the missing books. Maybe there was a 4th king who showed up in Bethlehem - Gaspar, Melchoir, Bathazar and Vinnie.

"Psst! Yo, Joseph...over here."

"What doest thou want?"

"I followed da guys who followed da star and I gots somethin for the little Bambino."

"What doest thou have?"

"It's a Beretta Tomcat .32 caliber semi-automatic wid a tip up barrel. Keep it under yer cloak until the time is right; the Kid is goin to need it!"

Week 3 - No Mystery

And the multitudes asked him, "What then shall we do?"

And he answered them, "He who has two coats, let him share with him who has none; and he who has food, let him do likewise." Luke 3: 10-11.

...the winding roads shall be made straight - Adventus.

Darn Those 3 Kings

How in the world did Christmas ever get so commercialized...and expensive? PNC Wealth Management attempts to answer the question with the annual Christmas Price Index (click on the title to see the analysis). They calculate the cost of the buying your true love the 12 Days of Christmas gifts and plot it against historic cost adjusted for inflation.

According to their chief strategist, the total cost of the gifts has risen since 1984 from $12,000 to a high of $19,000 in 2006. Recent increases can be attributed to higher labor cost for drummers, leaping lords, and dancing ladies. Interestingly, the cost of a milking maid has remained flat for several years. Probably has something to do with government subsidies, but for my money I'd rather plunk down a $20 for a nice wholesome milk maid than some highfalutin dancer - more earthy.

While rise in wages accounts for most of the current increase, there was a dramatic spike at the turn of the century in the cost of geese, calling birds, hens and partridges in a pear tree. What do you think is driving this? Species loss? Over hunting?

The dove and swan ticket prices have plummeted, so if you don't have a lot of money start there. It's about time the price of a swan dropped; they behave so badly. Have you ever noticed how territorial they are in a pond? The dove on the other hand is woefully under priced based on the war in Iraq. Peace will return to our world again some day and the price of the dove will skyrocket - BOO-YEAH!

And finally, don't pay a lot for gold. It doesn't hold its value. In fact if you need extra cash to buy the partridge I'd trade in the gold sitting idly in your jewelry box. We have a nice little shop near us run by a Laotian family, Pon's Pawn Shop - "Com'n down!"

The PNC study is interesting and it does explain how inflation has played a role in cranking up the cost of Christmas. But leave it to a Wharton dummy to measure the cost of buying the same gifts year after year. In real life we don't have the luxury of buying the kids a Flexible Flyer for 25 years in a row. We started with a sled, but now we're looking at cars.

I pulled out my cancelled checks, credit card receipts and investment statements to measure the impact of Christmas on my net worth adjusted for life changing events. Click on the graph to make it bigger and see if you can chart a parallel path with your own life. Let me know if I am on to something here. We'll give the folks at PNC a run for their money.

By the way, this year everyone is getting a dove for Christmas. I got a good deal and we need a little peace.

Jesus is Just Alright with Me

No time to blog in the last few days. Too much travel and too many obligations.

One commitment I made was to photograph an Advent Evening of Prayer for Youth at St Thomas Aquinas in Storrs, CT. The event took place last night and with a 4:00 a.m. wake up call awaiting me this morning, I wasn't anxious to fulfill my responsibility...but I did.

Ironically (or maybe not), the evening of song and prayer was just what I needed to temporarily remove myself from a world that always runs two steps in front of me. 100 teens from Catholic youth groups throughout the Diocese of Norwich joined one another to share friendship, thoughts and prayer. Sean Forrest, a Christian singer/songwriter, helped the youth reflect on the gifts God has given to each of them and challenged all to share those gifts with others as God intended. It was a good message.

Think about what you can do for someone else today, and act on your thoughts. And then say a prayer to thank God for all he has given you in return. You'll feel a whole lot better!

Christmas Tree Committee

Pickin's was slim this year at the Griswold Family Christmas Tree Farm. They had plenty of the government issue 6 footers, but we need something north of 15 feet to fill the living room.

One year Julie put up 3 trees and we had our own indoor forest complete with bird nests and boreal bugs. On Christmas Eve we had to spray the living room with insect repellent.

We've been buying our tree(s) from a part-time farmer in South Windsor for the past 10 years. He sells the big trees for $15 (you cut it down) just to help clear his land. The lot looks about ready for a housing development, so I'm guessing we won't be coming back next year.

We'll find another place...and a bigger tree!

Coming Around Turn Number 1

We're hugging the rail and riding into the 2nd week of Advent. Great thoughts today from Paul on how to live the temporal life that leads to eternal life - think about whatever is true, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable and it will lead you to a God of peace. (Philippians, Chapter 4).

A Modern Tragedy

Shakespeare is alive and well. At least for the moment. A story broke yesterday in Connecticut about a young man who was arrested for plotting to assassinate his father. Apparently the dad is loaded and the son (29) couldn't wait for the reading of the will. I understand the feeling; I use to peek at our Christmas presents before the 25th.

Fortunately, the murder plan wasn't fully baked and the plot was thwarted. The 18 year boy hired to do the dirty work botched the play and was caught by the father lurking around his house. The kid was dressed in a black overcoat wearing rubber gloves and over sized shoes. You expect a few strangers coming to the door at this time of year, but the FedEx delivery man wears shorts.

This is a wacky world we live in. I think my relationship with my own sons is solid, but just in case I have misread the situation let me state a few facts.

• My net worth is below the IRS inheritance tax level.


• My life insurance policy was cancelled for non-payment last year; after the underwriter read my blog he wouldn't issue a new policy.


• I wear a flak jacket to bed.

I love you, John. I love you too, James. I don't mean that to sound like an afterthought, I love you just as much as I love John. That isn't to say you aren't special, John ... as the first-born and all. You are both so....well...great. Gosh, I wish we could spend every waking moment together, but I know you are busy. Hey, that's okay! Not a problem. And by the way, grades aren't that important. Neither is cleaning your room. And if you need $20 bucks for gas or beer - I'm your man! Let's get together for dinner soon; I'll cook the food.

Love,

Dad

"Dick and Jane" to be Re-Written

Did you hear about the lawsuit several parents in California brought against the Palmdale School District trying to gain control over "the upbringing of their children by introducing them to matters of and relating to sex"? The parents filed suit after their children were subjected to a school survey that among other things asked 1st graders how often they touched their private parts. Their effort was thwarted by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court (wouldn't hear the case) who said parents of public-school students have no fundamental right to be the exclusive provider of sexual information to children.

I'm not outraged at the court's decision because my parents weren't my exclusive provider of sexual information. In fact, I can't recall my folks ever telling me anything about sex. My sexual information came from my friends (they made stuff up), a summer camp counselor at South Park and Barnacle Bill the Sailor ("Who's that knocking at my door?").

The camp counselor was a football player from UVM; they had a team in 1971. He hated kids and showed up late and hung over on most days. His routine was to unlock the equipment shack and throw all the sporting equipment out the door - "do what you want." Bored with the routine, on one eventful day he skipped the equipment shack. Instead he opened the trunk of his car, took out a box of Playboy magazines and threw them at us - "do what you want." The mob scene of 12 year old boys hovering around the back end of a porn-packed Chevy Impala was reminiscent of a food relief truck making a stop in Mozambique. Pure madness.

So, I really didn't need my parents to help me with sexual education. By the age of 12 I already knew that a woman got ready for sexual intercourse by standing naked in high heels and cupping her breast. This isn't universally true of course as some women prefer to start with a bubble bath or dress up as a nurse wearing a garter belt. Thank you, Hugh Hefner.

I also didn't need my school to help me with sexual education although they did try. Just before we graduated from the 8th grade, Father Vigneau (aka Fr Big Nose) came into our classroom and drew a penis on the chalkboard.

"Okay, boys! Can anyone tell me what this is? Anyone? Okay, Mr. Mullen, go ahead."

"This is my rifle, this is my gun. This one's for fighting, this one's for fun!"

At some point you get an education and most often it comes down to on-the-job training, even for the self-employed. But who the hell in their right mind thinks that it ought to start in the 1st grade? How do you give a written sex survey to a 1st grade student anyway? We have kids in the 6th grade who can't read. Come to think of it we also have kids in the 6th grade who are absent due to pregnancy (oops!). Shit, I am starting to argue with myself now.

Listen, my point is this - a kid shouldn't have to worry about or think about sex until the time is right and if you are a guy the wind will tell you when that is. For all the females in the crowd, I can tell you it isn't in the first grade. Here is the time line of my favorite things and what occupied my mind through the formative years:

Pre-school - a gray stuffed donkey.

Kindergarten - my tricycle.

1st Grade - Tonka dump truck.

2nd Grade - army men.

3rd Grade - marbles.

4th Grade - G.I. Joe.

5th Grade - baseball cards.

6th Grade - football helmet.

7th Grade - erector set.

8th Grade - my penis.

"See Spot run. Run, Spot, run."

"See Spot mount. Mount, Spot, mount."

Nathaniel, hide your eyes!

Doesn't Anybody Love Me?

Several services rank the popularity of your blog. I suscribe to Technorati and Google PageRank. As you can see from Technorati, Letters from the Moon has got a long ways to go.

My Google report card is worse - I flunked! My PageRank is 0 out of 10. Google describes PageRank as "Google's measure of the importance of this page." Make a guy feel good why don't you.

Okay, so nobody loves me. I can handle that. I've had worse things happen to me in my lifetime like....well, like....hmmnn, let me see..well, I'll think of something!

After a full year of posting personal thoughts, family photos and a ton of nonsensical stuff the 'hodgepodge' approach to Letters from the Moon has got to change. Starting next month I'm going to begin experimenting with new themes and tracking the results to see what direction I should take Letters from the Moon. The first theme will be naked photos of Connecticut housewives. Check back with me in February to see if the blog has moved up in the rankings.

Not a Zero Anymore

I wished Ayva a Happy Birthday on the blog last week, but that was from the road. We partied with the little debutante this weekend. She is a rare combination of elegance and athleticism.

I'm sure she'll win the beauty pageant and the rodeo one day! But for now she's only one.

Snow Moon

Late autumn snow moon over Vernon. It didn't snow in Connecticut, but there were flurries on the way to New Hampshire. Wintertime's a comin!

Adventus

Today marks the beginning of Advent. The retail holiday season started weeks ago. That's okay - this isn't a post railing against secularism.

Instead, it is a reminder to all my friends and family to embrace the religious significance of Advent. Take the time to prepare and take the time to reflect and you will find the culmination of your efforts to be a blessed Christmas. If you need a gentle reminder put an Advent wreath on your kitchen table. It'll serve as your spiritual "to do" list as it beckons you to light a candle and say your evening prayers.

It's four short weeks until Christmas. Don't let the time slip away without reflecting on its true meaning. Here are some borrowed words, old and new, to get you started:

In those days John the Baptist appeared, preaching in the desert of Judea and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!". It was of him that the prophet Isaiah had spoken when he said: "A voice of one crying out in the desert, 'Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight his paths.'" Matthew 3:1-4.

"This season of Advent, while the Ecclesial Community is preparing for and celebrating the great mystery of the Incarnation, it is invited to rediscover and deepen its own personal relationship with God. The Latin word 'adventus' refers to the coming of Christ and brings to the fore God's movement towards humanity, to which each is called to respond with openness, expectation, seeking and attachment. And as God is sovereignly free in revealing and giving himself because he is motivated solely by love, so the human person is also free in giving his or her own, even dutiful, assent: God expects a response of love." Pope Benedict XVI, Angelus, December 4, 2005.

U$A

You learn something new everyday. On a sales call earlier in the week, I heard a prospect admonish one of my associates for suggesting there was any reason other than savings for buying the product we were selling.

On the surface the savings concept didn't strike me as odd, but what he said caught my attention. And I quote, "Are you kidding me? This is America. Everybody wants to save!"

Frankly, in more than 20 years of selling I have never had anyone challenge my patriotism as part of the sales cycle. Nor have I ever heard anyone describe America as the land of the discount coupon.

I mean I've got CDs filled with songs about America the Beautiful, This Land is Your Land, Their Coming to America, God Bless America, What is America to Me, and on and on. There ain't a single song with lyrics about the big 4th of July tent sale!

I've also been to all of the famous monuments in Washington, D.C. The Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial - you name it. They've got some pretty famous words inscribed about freedom, opportunity and democracy, but savings?

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
And to the Republic for which it stands,
One Nation, under God,
indivisible, with savings and discounts for all.

Two Strikes and Y'er Out!

I was with my friend Dennis (not his real name) today and we were talking about befriending people - even those that we don't like. It got him to thinking about his neighbor and he confessed that although he could turn the other cheek for the worst of humanity, Mr. Wilson wasn't part of the human race.

Not only do they have a heavy dislike for one another, but there is a healthy dose of mistrust as well. Dennis has attempted to mend the imaginary fence between the two properties, but his dog manages to sabotage any detente.

You see, Hershey (chocolate lab) prefers to shit on the neighbor's grass instead of his own and Mr. Wilson is a freak about his front lawn. Further negotiations between the adversaries is at an impasse because Dennis is unwilling to guarantee border security or enforce a dog poop DMZ.

Dennis does his best at keeping Hershey on a leash, but the dog is stealth and single-minded. Any opening in the house and it's run for daylight with a gift wrapped package for the neighbor. It's a constant battle.

Last week, Dennis' cat Gus started acting up. Never one to create a stir, the cat suddenly began to crap on the living room carpet. Dennis took note of this and the following conversations ensued:

"Holy shit, look at that! Dammit Honey, that's two days in a row. Do you think we ought to put the cat down?"

"Down where?"

"You know...down. Like, asleep."

"Are you crazy!? How about we try the Vet first. What are you thinking?"

So Dennis and his wife put the cat in a box, filled a ziploc bag full of cat feces and drove off to Dr. Doolittle's Animal Walk-In Clinic.

"Gus looks a little thin to me. It's probably parasites in the digestive trac, but we'll run a couple of test to be sure."

"Hey, Doc. They do call you Doc, don't they?"

"Well, yes Dennis, they do."

"Good. Listen, I don't want to put the cat down if we don't have to, but I need you to run some other test. Can you test for toxins in her stool?"

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know....like...rat poisoning."

"Are you having problems with rats in your basement?"

"Well, not exactly, but I do have this neighbor who wants to shoot my dog for pooping on his lawn. I've been able to saddle the dog pretty well, but how does a guy keep a cat from doing his business?"

"I think the cat will be fine, really. But Dennis, maybe we should set up an appointment for you with my wife. She is a psychologist."

"Why would I need to see a shrink?"

"Dennis, let me ask you something. What thoughts were running through your head the 2nd time your son Leonard pissed all over the toilet seat and left it there?"

"Did my wife tell you that I threatened to kill him? I meant that figuratively!!!....Hey, who are you calling? Put that phone down. I'm not a crazy person you son-of-a-bitch. Give me that phone....you aren't even a real doctor! Rita, get in here I need your help!"