Blow Hards
16 months of Hillary and Obama and we still have 5 months left until the real presidential election takes place. Can’t we just vote today and get it over with? No more speeches, please! If I were Chris Matthews, I’d kill myself – what a boring job.
And another thing, if I hear one more candidate refer me back to our forefathers, or make me look ahead to my children’s children, I am going to puke. Half our forefathers owned slaves for god sakes. None of them thought of women as anything more than an incubator for a family of farmers.
My children’s children? Hell, I’m not even thinking about how my own kids are going to make it, never mind the next generation. Get ‘em to the voting age and then throw ‘em out to fend for themselves, I say! As far as I can tell, my own parents will be responsible for screwing me out of Social Security if I ever get to retire, so pay it forward.
Better schools (bring back Mr. Holland and say hello to Mr. Chips), lower taxes for people who don’t pay taxes to begin with, global warming, the War in Iraq – forget about it.
Give me a candidate who can help me with more practical matters, like grub control. My front lawn is a mess. $2.00 ATM fees are another issue I need representation on, or better yet, coin counting fees. Now I have to pay to put my money in the bank and then again to take it out.
God, and the next President, help us with the junk mail. Last year I bought 1 pair of $40 flannel lined jeans from LL Bean and they sent me the following catalogs - LL Bean for Men, LL Bean for Women, LL Bean for Children, LL Bean for Your Children’s Children, LL Bean for Dogs, LL Bean Outdoors, LL Bean Household, LL Bean Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter, LL Bean Christmas and LL Bean on Sale (NOT!). They just have to be using child labor in Micronesia to line those jeans.
Please don’t buy into the peddler who is going to help us all “lower the price of gas”. Here is how that goes:
President of the United States: “King Fadhi, the American people, a traveling people, descendants of the great forefathers, are suffering from the rise in crude oil. Moms and dads of every race, color and creed are paying upwards of $200 a week to fill their SUV and pick up trucks. Children are being forced to make friends with their neighbors as parents can no longer afford to drive them across town for a sleepover. Moms are walking to fitness centers. Teenage boys no longer cruise up and down the boulevard looking for chicks because they only have enough gas to go up or down, but not both. The rush hour tradition of one man – one car is going the way of the Edsel. You can help us your Royal Oilness by increasing your production by a 1,000,000 barrels a day. Are you willing to help the American people, King?”
King Fossil Fadhi, United Arab Emirates: “No.”
Come November, Vote Pat Paulsen for President.
And another thing, if I hear one more candidate refer me back to our forefathers, or make me look ahead to my children’s children, I am going to puke. Half our forefathers owned slaves for god sakes. None of them thought of women as anything more than an incubator for a family of farmers.
My children’s children? Hell, I’m not even thinking about how my own kids are going to make it, never mind the next generation. Get ‘em to the voting age and then throw ‘em out to fend for themselves, I say! As far as I can tell, my own parents will be responsible for screwing me out of Social Security if I ever get to retire, so pay it forward.
Better schools (bring back Mr. Holland and say hello to Mr. Chips), lower taxes for people who don’t pay taxes to begin with, global warming, the War in Iraq – forget about it.
Give me a candidate who can help me with more practical matters, like grub control. My front lawn is a mess. $2.00 ATM fees are another issue I need representation on, or better yet, coin counting fees. Now I have to pay to put my money in the bank and then again to take it out.
God, and the next President, help us with the junk mail. Last year I bought 1 pair of $40 flannel lined jeans from LL Bean and they sent me the following catalogs - LL Bean for Men, LL Bean for Women, LL Bean for Children, LL Bean for Your Children’s Children, LL Bean for Dogs, LL Bean Outdoors, LL Bean Household, LL Bean Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter, LL Bean Christmas and LL Bean on Sale (NOT!). They just have to be using child labor in Micronesia to line those jeans.
Please don’t buy into the peddler who is going to help us all “lower the price of gas”. Here is how that goes:
President of the United States: “King Fadhi, the American people, a traveling people, descendants of the great forefathers, are suffering from the rise in crude oil. Moms and dads of every race, color and creed are paying upwards of $200 a week to fill their SUV and pick up trucks. Children are being forced to make friends with their neighbors as parents can no longer afford to drive them across town for a sleepover. Moms are walking to fitness centers. Teenage boys no longer cruise up and down the boulevard looking for chicks because they only have enough gas to go up or down, but not both. The rush hour tradition of one man – one car is going the way of the Edsel. You can help us your Royal Oilness by increasing your production by a 1,000,000 barrels a day. Are you willing to help the American people, King?”
King Fossil Fadhi, United Arab Emirates: “No.”
Come November, Vote Pat Paulsen for President.
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1 comments:
couldn't they have moved that speech, on January 22nd, indoors? The guy in the ski mask is classic!
I love the back and forth between the President and the King.
I think I ordered that same item from LL Bean and yes, I have gained every catalog since!
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