In Need of a 2nd Chance

If my spiritual journey could be compared to a board game, I just landed on "Lose turn and go back to Start!" So many beautiful days and thoughts lost in a moment of anger. Anger, the total lack of love, is such a deadly sin.

On my visit to the Shrine of Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton (awesome lady), I got mired in a debate about my photography with 2 different staff members in separate conversations. Both women were protecting the Shrine from what they thought was a poaching commercial photographer, me. Had they asked me what I was doing we probably wouldn't have had a problem, but they didn't and we did. One woman followed me around at a safe distance and then turned away each time I looked over in her direction. A docent trained in the art of surveillance. The other tour guide assumed I had taken prohibited pictures in the museum and at the end of the program instructed me to "delete any photos you took you may have taken before I told you no photos in the museum" in front of the others in the tour group. I had already told her I didn't take any photos while in the museum, but 30 minutes after our 1st conversation, she was compelled to address me again - publicly.

Walking the grounds, I was just waiting for 1 more person to misread my intentions and give me further instructions. Several people looked into my eyes and quickly looked away - I was ready to pounce. So who do you think the 1st person was to try to break the ice? Did you guess my wife, Julie? Correct....and BLAM! She got a double shot gun blast of vitriolic diatribe.

The poor gal was trying to carry out her Christian duties of compassion and understanding and instead got every ounce of pent up hatred I could spew. I don't even know where it came from. Well, maybe that's a lie. I do know where it came from - the need to feed my own ego. It was 3 hours before we spoke another word. More ego on my part. It was 3 miserable hours sitting in sin with a heart filled with hatred and betrayal. Betrayal to all the love and compassion I had gathered for the past 36 days of walking with the Lord. Great sense of shame.

But Julie is a forgiving soul, and Father Burke was my confessor for the day. After giving it some prayerful thought, maybe I should have announced my intentions to the women of the Shrine with regard to our visit. It would have put them at ease and made for a better day for all.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

Stay with me St Francis and guide me in your thoughts.

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