New Address Pending

I found my dream home today while driving up Highway 61 near Red Wing, Minnesota. Well, if I can get in, it's not exactly a home, but more like a room. Still, the place looks beautiful and the best part is everything is free - it's a correctional facility.

Free meals, free medical care, no rent, daily exercise hour, company uniform and shoes provided, no utilities, someone else mows the lawn, a hired hand does the dishes, time to read the 100 best novels of all time, opportunity to complete an online masters degree and solitaire tournaments every day of the week. So much to do and so many options, who'd have time for sleep?

I'm going to ask them if I can bring my ABPA Table Top Baseball game; I'd love to replay the entire 1927 MLB season to see if Babe Ruth could reclaim the single season home run record. ABPA is a dice game based on statistical probabilities and the expectation is Ruth, after 600 roll of the die, would hit 60 home runs in 154 games. Applying a steroid factor to normalize the power stats between the old-timers and modern era players, I think I can get the Babe up to a 100 home runs in a single season. I just need some time to prove it.

If my Google Latitude location stays static for more than 2 days, I was successful in getting arrested in Red Wing and am awaiting sentencing. Wish me luck, and whatever you do, don't go petitioning for my release or parole if I get accepted. The place looks awesome!

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